July 22nd, 2017 – Musical Truths

Are we awake?
Am I too old to be this stoned?
Was it your breasts from the start?
They played a part.

For goodness sake
I wasn’t told you’d be this cold
Now it’s my time to depart
And I just had a change of heart

I’ll quote “on the road” like a twat and wind my way out of the city
Finding a girl who is equally pretty won’t be hard
Oh, I just had a change of heart

You smashed a glass into pieces
And that’s around the time I left
And you were coming across as clever
Then you lit the wrong end of your cigarette

You said I’m full of diseases
Your eyes were full of regret
And then you took a picture of your salad
And put it on the Internet

And she said, “I’ve been so worried ’bout you lately.
You look shit and you smell a bit.
You’re mad thinking you could ever save me.
Not looking like that.”

You used to have a face straight out of a magazine
Now you just look like anyone
I just had a change of heart
I feel as though I was deceived
I never found love in the city
I just sat in self-pity and cried in the car
Oh, I just had a change of heart

Then she said, “I’ve been so worried ’bout you lately.
You were fit but you’re losing it.
You played a part, this is how it starts.”
Oh, I just had a change of heart

I just had a change of heart
I just had a change of heart
I just had a change of heart
Oh, I just had a change of heart
I just had a change of heart
I just had a change of heart
I just had a change of heart
I just had a change of heart

April 29th, 2017 – Musical Truths

All attempts have failed
All my heads are tails
She’s got teary eyes
I’ve got reasons why

I’m losing ground and gaining speed
I’ve lost myself or most of me
I’m headed for the final precipice

But you haven’t lost me yet
No, you haven’t lost me yet
I’ll sing until my heart caves in
No, you haven’t lost me yet

These days pass me by
I dream with open eyes
Nightmares haunt my days
Visions blur my nights

I’m so confused
What’s true of false
What’s fact or fiction after all
I feel like I’m an apparition’s pet

But you haven’t lost me yet
No you haven’t lost me yet
I’ll run until my heart caves in
No, you haven’t lost me yet

If it doesn’t break
If it doesn’t break
If it doesn’t break
If it doesn’t break your heart
It isn’t love
If it doesn’t break your heart
It’s not enough
It’s when you’re breaking down
With your insides coming out
That’s when you find out what your heart is made of

And you haven’t lost me yet but
No you haven’t lost me yet
I’ll sing until my heart caves in
No, you haven’t lost me yet
Cause you haven’t lost me yet

April 22nd, 2017 – Musical Truths

When, when we came home
Worn to the bones
I told myself, “This could get rough.”

And when, when I was off,
Which happened a lot
You came to me and said, “That’s enough.”

Oh, I know that this love is pain
But we can’t cut it from out these veins,
No

So I’ll get the lights and you lock the doors
We ain’t leaving this room ’til we both feel more
Don’t walk away, don’t roll your eyes
They say love is pain. Well, darling, let’s hurt tonight

When, when you came home
Worn to the bones
I told myself, “This could be rough.”

Oh, I know you feel insane
Tell me something that I can explain,
Oh

I’ll get the lights and you lock the doors
Tell me all of the things that you couldn’t before
Don’t walk away, don’t roll your eyes
They say love is pain. Well, darling, let’s hurt tonight
If this love is pain then, darling, let’s hurt, oh, tonight

So you get the lights and I’ll lock the doors
Let’s say all of the things that we couldn’t before
Won’t walk away, won’t roll my eyes
They say love is pain. Well, darling, let’s hurt tonight
If this love is pain, then, honey, let’s love tonight

April 1st, 2017 – Musical Truths

I met you in the dark
You lit me up
You made me feel as though
I was enough
We danced the night away
We drank too much
I held your hair back when
You were throwing up

Then you smiled over your shoulder
For a minute I was stone-cold sober
I pulled you closer to my chest
And you asked me to stay over
I said, I already told you
I think that you should get some rest

I knew I loved you then
But you’d never know
‘Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go
I knew I needed you
But I never showed
But I wanna stay with you
Until we’re grey and old
Just say you won’t let go
Just say you won’t let go

I wake you up with some breakfast in bed
I’ll bring you coffee
With a kiss on your head
And I’ll take the kids to school
Wave them goodbye
And I’ll thank my lucky stars for that night

When you looked over your shoulder
For a minute, I forget that I’m older
I wanna dance with you right now, oh
And you look as beautiful as ever
And I swear that every day you’ll get better
You make me feel this way somehow

I’m so in love with you
And I hope you know
Darling, your love is more than worth its weight in gold
We’ve come so far my dear
Look how we’ve grown
And I wanna stay with you
Until we’re grey and old
Just say you won’t let go
Just say you won’t let go

I wanna live with you
Even when we’re ghosts
‘Cause you were always there for me
When I needed you most

I’m gonna love you ’til
My lungs give out
I promise till death we part
Like in our vows
So I wrote this song for you
Now everybody knows
That it’s just you and me
Until we’re grey and old
Just say you won’t let go
Just say you won’t let go

Just say you won’t let go
Oh, just say you won’t let go

March 11th, 2017 – Musical Truths

I’m jealous, I’m overzealous
When I’m down, I get real down
When I’m high, I don’t come down
I get angry, baby, believe me
I could love you just like that
And I could leave you just this fast

But you don’t judge me
‘Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too
No, you don’t judge me
‘Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too

‘Cause I got issues
But you got ’em too
So give ’em all to me
And I’ll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
Of all our problems
‘Cause we got the kind of love
It takes to solve ’em

Yeah, I got issues
And one of them is how bad I need you

You do shit on purpose
You get mad and you break things
Feel bad, try to fix things
But you’re perfect
Poorly wired circuit
And got hands like an ocean
Push you out, pull you back in

‘Cause you don’t judge me
‘Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too
No, you don’t judge me
‘Cause you see it from the same point of view

‘Cause I got issues
But you got ’em too
So give ’em all to me
And I’ll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
Of all our problems
‘Cause we got the kind of love
It takes to solve ’em

Yeah, I got issues
And one of them is how bad I need you

Present Day, February 14th, 2017

A Valentine to My Wife,

First, the most important thing a Valentine should say, I. Love. You. Stealing a phrase you once gave to me, “You have my whole heart.” At least, all of it that I know how to give.

People like me, with mental illness, are often the unseen millions. However, if that is the case, there is a much greater unseen tens of millions of spouses, loved ones, family members and friends that stand by us each and every day. People like you that care for people like me.

People that cry themselves to sleep after we have broken your heart yet again. People that collapse in exhaustion after holding up the household when we let it down. People that fight for us to live when we would just as soon die.

I appreciate you reading a book with me to help us manage my illness (The Bipolar Relationship, Bloch). I appreciate you attending a class to learn how to walk with me (courtesy our local NAMI chapter). I appreciate you driving to Chicago to retrieve a husband who had abandoned you, scared you, and left you almost without hope because he couldn’t find any within himself.

All of us, the ill, wish that we could promise all of you, the partners, that the worst is behind us…but it probably isn’t. We wish we could promise the pain won’t come back, but it almost certainly will. We wish we could promise that there is nothing to fear, dread or be leary of. And whilst those are no ways to live life…the future likely holds plenty to make each of those emotions reasonable.

However, on this day, this is what I can promise you…you have my heart. My love. My life.

Happy Valentine’s Day from one crazy heart to another. 

I. Love. You.

Present Day, February 9th, 2017

When your wife believes in you more than you believe in yourself…

A new one has been appearing each day.

May or may not be related to a pending holiday.

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